yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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