Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
