I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
They left me at home... I'm a liability
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
