He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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