No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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