We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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