i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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