I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I love having hate sex.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
