Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
