you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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