My sheets look like a crime scene.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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