It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
