You made me cry and you don't even care
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
