Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
