Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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