Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
