im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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