I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
