I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
