I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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