2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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