some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
