I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Randomize
