note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
