I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
