I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
