Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
