the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
