I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
