I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
