I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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