So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
