You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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