Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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