I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
organizing the empties. That sober.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
