i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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