Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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