Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
