my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
