Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
