the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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