Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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