Kareoke will never be a sober sport
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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