fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
