I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
