I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
