"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
BRING THE BAGELS
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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