I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
