I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
