I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
